Stop the Argument

arguing boundaries codependant emotional trigger karma over reacting relationship Dec 06, 2021
Stop the argument

by Laura Fine

You know those mornings when you wake up in a bad mood for no good reason? Then you lay in bed pondering, “Why do I feel this? Ugg!” No matter how deep you dig, you just can’t seem to come up with a logical explanation.

Those are the days you might find yourself being overly critical, or hole up alone in your room because you’re afraid you’ll take out your unexplainable bad mood on people you love.

Then there are those horrifying moments when you find yourself wanting to create an argument. And once you’re IN the argument, you hear yourself being unreasonable, illogical, and dumping all over the other person, internally justifying how and why they deserve it!

Why is it you even feel like this in the first place?

Sometimes there are good reasons for our bad mood, but sometimes there aren’t, and that can be even more distressing. The real question is, once you’re in it, how do you get out of it before doing damage?

Those of you who raised babies know there are times the reason for their moods is really clear, and other times its a total mystery!

The mystery of an inconsolable inner state still lives with us as adults. The Vedic Scriptures of India explain our subconscious positive and negative “moods” as sanskars, impressions from past life karmas (actions), that arise in the mind. Like a splinter working its way up to the surface of the skin, these sanskars ascend in order to be released.

Whether or not you believe in the concept of sanskars, what I most appreciate about the theory is its mystery. We humans are complex creatures, and there are many unseen factors that color our experiences in life.  Just as the police force doubles its efforts during a full moon, there are environmental, subconscious, and cosmic energetics constantly influencing us that often make no sense to our limited logical mind.

The good news is not everything has to been understood or explained in order to be reconciled.



When you find yourself “picking a fight,” take a deep breath, focus on your heart, and get centered. Let go of trying to make sense out of your own mood or anyone else’s. Let your mind relax. Every human being (until Enlightenment) has imperfect characteristics. We often hold unrealistically high expectations of ourselves and others. The very essence of our nature is dualistic; we are both our self at best and at times our self at worst. Accept emotional imperfection.


When you or someone else is acting out inappropriately, excuse yourself from the conversation. Leave the room, and let the other person know you’ll return within a certain time period - anywhere from 20 minutes to a day later. Then take a walk, take a nap, or wash some dishes.  Get out of your head and let your mind relax until you're calm.


Self-reflect. If you can’t come up with a good reason for your bad mood, try offering the “energy” of your mood to The Universe, Spirit, God, The Next Ten Exhales of your breath, or whatever “force” you might perceive as bigger or more powerful than you. See if you can notice the release of the stressful energy from your body and auric field, then focus inward to connect to your Essential Self. 

Now you know how to Stop an Argument! (Just in case you need to have it handy during the holidays!)

I wish you a wonderful holiday filled with peace, acceptance, and no arguments!

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